5 Common Myths About Boundaries

In my profession, we talk about boundaries a lot because a lack of healthy boundaries can lead to anxiety, depression, or burnout. Not only do we suffer, but our relationships suffer when we don't practice stating our limitations. Yet still, we struggle to say no.

Since talking a lot with people about why they struggle to practice boundaries, I decided to write about some of the myths I've heard along the way.

There are likely more than 5, but here are the 5 most common myths I've heard about boundaries.

Myth #1- Boundaries are only about building walls.

Truth - When we set a boundary, we are actually taking a step toward reconciliation with the

person who hurt us. We're saying, "Hey, what you did wasn't okay." We can't control how someone

responds, but we can voice our boundary and give that person the chance to make it right. We

aren't necessarily saying absolutely no, just not right now or no to one thing that's asked of us

but not another.

Myth #2- Other people should just know what my boundaries are.

Truth- Being offended when someone asked something of you when you haven't shared your

boundary with them only breeds discontentment. You will either find yourself compromising

in an attempt to please that other person or grow more and more resentful each time you're

asked. Also, everyone's boundaries are different. What's healthy for you isn't necessarily healthy

for someone else.

Myth #3- It's rude to say no.

Truth- It's actually disrespectful to the relationship when we aren't honest about our limitations.

It doesn't feel good to have someone do something for you to later discover they never

wanted to do it. Just be honest about what you can and cannot do. People will trust you

more and respect you for it.

Myth #4- I have to explain myself when setting a boundary.

Truth- There will be moments when telling someone "no" is easy, especially if that person is

someone who understands boundaries. However, setting a boundary with someone who doesn't

practice having boundaries can be very difficult. In this case, you can share your boundary

without providing an explanation. Don't let people push you into sharing more than you're

comfortable with. If someone pushes for an explanation, that is likely evidence that the

boundary is needed anyway.

Myth #5- I only have to set boundaries with other people.

Truth- If you struggle to establish boundaries with other people, you likely struggle to create

them for yourself too. Reality check your expectations. If you don't know how to

do this, ask yourself what you would expect from a friend. We tend to be more generous with

our friends than we are with ourselves.

I'll be the first to admit that despite knowing the above myths exist, I still struggle to practice creating healthy boundaries. Lasting change is usually slow change and is always a process. Try first identifying the myth that you believe the most and work to remind yourself of the truth stated above as a starting point. For further work on creating healthy boundaries, try consulting with a licensed therapist. You deserve more than a boundary-less life.